


I Can't Make You Love Me

by Im_Still_A_Piece_Of_Garbage



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Probably ooc, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, as you can see, bi!mondo, definitely ooc for byakuya though, demigay!kiyotaka, i am a baby, it's not actually unrequited because unrequited love stories are also too sad for me, non-despair because pre-despair is too sad for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26716996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Still_A_Piece_Of_Garbage/pseuds/Im_Still_A_Piece_Of_Garbage
Summary: An Ishimondo song fic to the song I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. It's also an apology gift fortransishimaru
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	I Can't Make You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transishimaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transishimaru/gifts).



> 6th and 7th parts are supposed to be conjoined :)  
> TW: panic attack

_Turn down the lights  
Turn down the bed  
Turn down these voices inside my head_

He didn’t know how or when it started. All he knew is that one minute he was sitting with Mondo ~~obsessing over how he would never love him~~ thinking about how beautiful his gleaming lavender eyes looked, and the next he was curled up in a ball with his heart beating rapidly in his chest and his breath coming out in short gasps. The world had fallen away.

Distantly, he registered the steady flow of curses from Mondo’s mouth and the frantic way in which he was shaking him. Obviously, that didn’t help. Mondo clearly didn’t have any experience with panic attacks.

“Kyoudai! Kyoudai! Shit shit shit shit SHIT!” Mondo was still shaking him, his pupils blown wide open and perspiration – presumably his nerves – coating his forehead. “Are you okay! Kyoudai! Speak to me goddamnit!”

Kiyotaka could hear Mondo clearly now. The worst of the attack was over.

Taka was honestly quite surprised. He hadn’t had a panic attack since he was a kid, but now? When he was with his Kyoudai? Taka knew that harbouring romantic feelings for Mondo would be detrimental, but panic-attack inducing? This was new.

“Shit, Taka you a’right?” Mondo was still worried. Of course, he was. He was _always_ worried about Taka. And he called _him_ a nagger.

Feebly, Taka nodded.

“Are ya sure?” Mondo looked concernedly down at Taka; his eyebrows furrowed in that strangely adorable way that they always seemed to be when he was concerned. Or at least as adorable as the leader of the biggest bike gang in Japan could get.

Stronger this time, Taka nodded. He looked up into the worried face of Mondo and realized that nodding instead of speaking wouldn’t convince Mondo of his wellness.

“I’m fine, kyoudai.” Taka smiled slightly. He wasn’t. Not when the person who caused the entire attack was looking down at him with adorable eyes and scrunched eyebrows. It felt like Mondo was dangling himself in front of Taka sometimes.

But Taka knew better. He couldn’t let this silly little crush get in his way. Not when it had no chance of ending in a relationship. Which was for the better! He could hardly run for Prime Minister as a gay man! And with a thug boyfriend!

Deep down, Taka knew he didn’t believe that. He never would. Mondo was his everything. His entire life. And he would gladly give up his dreams of becoming Prime Minister for him. But he couldn’t say that. So, he stayed silent, hoping to God that the part of his brain dedicated to loving Mondo would shut up. He didn’t need another panic attack.

_Lay down with me  
Tell me no lies_

Fear. Thick, black fear coursing through his veins like tar. Shit.

Mondo didn’t want to do this. He never wanted to tell anyone about how or why his brother died. But he couldn’t hide it anymore. Not from Taka, his kyoudai ~~and big fat fucking crush~~.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Mondo put down the textbook in his hands and looked towards the raven hair of his best friend.

“I uhh, I got summat to tell ya”

Taka looked up from his book.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Go ahead” he smiled, his eyes lighting up in that adorable way they always did. He was so fucking cute.

“…S…S’about my brother…” Taka perked up at this. Mondo never talked about his brother. “His death.”

All the nerves inside Mondo screamed to stop. To shut up and pretend it was nothing. Mondo couldn’t bear to think about what Taka would do if he knew. If he knew that Mondo had _murdered_ his own _brother_. He couldn’t bear to think about the look of utter disgust that would pass over his face or the overcoming feeling of despair as Taka ran away. He couldn’t bear to think about the fear that would befall his usually positive face or those beautiful red eyes that used to brim with passion and hope, turning stony and cold as he realised what Mondo had done.

But he couldn’t stop now. He couldn’t lie to Taka anymore. He meant too much.

He needed the truth.

“S’about _how_ he died.” Taka’s eyes widened. Mondo knew Taka had wanted to know, but there was an unspoken agreement that he don’t ask. So, nothing was ever said. That is, until then.

There was a moment of near-awkward silence where Mondo stared down at his hands and thought about what to say.

“You can tell me.” Taka smiled reassuringly up at Mondo. “I promise I won’t get mad. Whatever it is.”

Mondo begged to differ. Why wouldn’t you get mad if your best friend killed someone? Mondo had lied to Taka for the entirety of their friendship. He’d spoken of Daiya as if he deserved to still even be considered his brother after _murdering_ him. But he had to tell Taka still. Even if it meant losing the closest person in the entire world.

“I killed him.”

There was a pause. A second that felt like an hour as Taka processed the load that Mondo had just vomited onto him. But then he spoke.

“Explain.” Taka looked Mondo directly in the eyes. “I don’t get it.”

“What don’tcha get?” Mondo looked away from Taka and towards the wall shamefully. “There’s nothing else to it. I _murdered_ my own fucking brother.”

“Tell me how. _How_ did you kill him?” Taka pressed. Probably trying to get information to snitch on Mondo.

There was another moment of silence as Mondo fought back tears. He couldn’t cry. Not again. Not in front of his kyoudai. He was strong. Really fucking strong. Stronger than Daiya. Strong strong strong strong strong.

Deep down, he knew he wasn’t. He was weak. Flimsy. He was _never_ strong.

So, Mondo told Taka. He told him about the gang and Daiya leaving. He told him about how the gang didn’t want to be led by Daiya’s kid brother. About Mondo’s challenge to Daiya to prove he was better. His stupidity as he ran head-long into traffic. And how Daiya – the fucking hero he was – sacrificed himself for Mondo. Daiya had died, and it was all Mondo’s fault.

“I _murdered_ my brother.” Mondo stared at the ground, hiding away from the inevitable shame that would pass over Taka’s face. “Ya don’t gotta stick around. You can leave. I don’t deserve ya anyway.”

Mondo looked up to see Taka shaking his head.

“No.” Taka grabbed Mondo in a tight hug. “I’m not leaving.”

“What happened to Daiya was a freak accident. A freak accident that he _chose_ to save you from. It’s not your fault.”

Mondo opened his mouth to disagree but was quickly hushed.

“There’s nothing else to say. What happened to your brother was… Horrible, but it’s not your fault.” Taka grabbed the gang leader’s hand and led him away from the textbooks and towards his bed. Mondo tried to ignore the way his heart beat erratically when his hand was in Taka’s.

(He didn’t notice the faint blush that appeared on Taka’s cheeks)

“Come on. Let’s take a break.” Taka sat down on the dorm bed and gestured towards Mondo’s TV. “Maybe we can watch some television.”

Mondo smiled. Even after telling him about Mondo committing _fucking fratricide_ , Taka stuck around. He really was a great person.

_Just hold me close, don't patronize  
Don't patronize me_

Kiyotaka let out a frustrated groan as he closed his textbook for the tenth time in an hour. The current theory that the 78th class was learning had him baffled. It wasn’t exactly uncommon. There were lots of things that he didn’t understand. But this was different. Even after multiple explanations and five google searches, he simply could not wrap his head around this concept. What’s worse is that Makoto had booked a tutoring session for tomorrow.

How was he supposed to tutor someone in something he didn’t understand? He looked towards his angled computer and sighed again. He needed to get some help.

Crawling off the bed, he grabbed his textbook and pencil case and then began to make his way towards the other dorms. Perhaps he could ask Kirigiri for some pointers.

“Hey Kyoudai!” Taka walked out of his dorm to see Mondo approaching, his hand held in the air and waving. “I was just comin’ to see ya!”

“Hello Mondo.” Taka marched to the gang leader “I was just going to get some help with the current calculus rule. It was a lot more difficult than I had originally planned…”

A look of befuddlement passed over Mondo’s face. “Ya mean the lahospital thingy we learned last lesson?”

“It’s pronounced ‘loh-pi-tal’, but yes. I didn’t quite understand it and my textbook isn’t helping. I need to get some help from Kirigiri-san.” Taka began to walk towards the detective’s room, “Did you want to come? Perhaps she could help you too.”

Mondo just stared back at him.

“Whaddya mean ‘help me’? I already know how it works.” A smirk spread over Mondo’s features, “Never thought I’d see th’day where I knew more than ya”.

Taka bristled at his words and furrowed his large eyebrows “You already understand!? That’s… Well, it’s surprising.” He appeared to ponder for a moment before realising how offensive that could have sounded to the boy in front of him. “Ahh! It’s not that surprising! I didn’t mean to-“

“S’ _okay_ Taka.” Mondo placed his calloused hand on Taka’s broad shoulder, oblivious to the way Taka’s cheeks reddened.

(Taka didn’t notice the way Mondo’s pulse quickened)

“I already know m’stupid.” Now it was Taka’s turn to get offended.

“You are NOT stupid Kyoudai! How could you put yourself down like that? You’re very smart!”

“S’not what ya said a second ago…”

Taka blushed again, but for an entirely different reason, “I didn’t mean to say that... You-“

“Kyoudai stop s’ _okay_. I was just joking.”

Kiyotaka looked like he wanted to argue, so Mondo grabbed his textbooks and pulled him towards his room. “I’ll help ya with the math. It’ll be nice ta be teaching ya instead of the other way around.”

Kiyotaka opened his mouth to argue yet again but decided it would be better to let Mondo help him. After all, anytime spent with his Kyoudai was a good time.

_'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

The moonlight cast a luminant glow on Mondo’s dorm and the biker that resided inside it. Mondo couldn’t sleep.

Obviously, Mondo _wanted_ to sleep - It was late, and he was really fucking tired – but his overactive brain was stopping him from getting any rest. He just kept defaulting to Taka. His hair, his eyes, even his big fucking eyebrows.

He always defaulted to Taka. It seemed like no matter where he went or how much he fought against it, his brain wouldn’t leave the topic of the hall monitor. Maybe it had something to do with the slew of emotions Taka had left him with.

Mondo had never liked anyone as much as he liked Taka. Even girls. He still liked girls of course, – a few google searches had revealed that Mondo was ‘bisexual’ – but they would never live up to Taka. Who had apparently opened up an entire new world of homo for Mondo. He didn’t realise how hot the people in his gang were until he met Taka. One-minute Mondo saw them as purely friends, and the next he couldn’t look away from their bulging muscles.

It was annoying.

Did his brain not have anything better to do than think about hot guys? Could it not fixate on math problems or literary concepts instead of his best friends’ ass? Maybe then he’d pass his fucking classes. Although that was getting better with Taka’s help.

Maybe that was another reason why he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Cause he was always with him. That was normal, right? Hanging out with someone for so long and for such lengthy periods would definitely result in constantly thinking about them. This was normal. Really normal.

“Fuck.” Mondo let out a quiet curse as he realised that he’d gone back to that sickening state of rationalisation.

He had to stop thinking about this. He knew about the crush. He’d acknowledged it, he’d accepted it and he’d let it be. So why did his fucking brain have to keep going over it? Couldn’t he just accept the fact and leave it alone? Did he really have to rehash it every opportunity he got? He wanted his emotions to shut the fuck up.

And more than anything he just wanted to be normal. To be rid of this stupid crush and its stupid effects. Why couldn’t the universe make him like girls and only girls? He didn’t need to get caught up in these feelings when he _knew_ it couldn’t be requited.

And even if it _was_ , he and Taka could never have a relationship. Taka had standards to uphold. People to impress. He had a dream and wishes to fulfil. He could hardly waste his time with a deadbeat biker dragging him down. Taka would be so much better without him.

But apparently his brain just couldn’t just leave him alone. No. It had to drag him down. Plague him with inexplicable yet entirely unavoidable attraction towards his best friend. And he felt horrible about it every day.

Mondo hated keeping secrets from Taka. He always felt like he was lying to him. Taka was such an open person that keeping secrets from him felt almost scandalous. And keeping this crush a secret was not helping Mondo’s conscience. Which was another great thing to add to the already huge stack of Taka-related problems for Mondo.

**_Yay._ **

Maybe telling Taka wouldn’t be too bad. It was just a crush. Crushes don’t hurt people. Taka wouldn’t care. He was the Ultimate Moral Compass after all. He would probably just ignore it.

Unless he _did_ care… What if he hated Mondo for it? What if he couldn’t stand the thought of being sexualised by a _man_ and left Mondo alone forever? Mondo couldn’t lose another person.

But surely, he wouldn’t, right? He stuck with Mondo after learning about Daiya, so he would stick with him through this… Right?

A voice inside Mondo’s head said no. Taka may be good, but even he must have some limit. Telling him might mean the end of their relationship.

And yet, it would be a mistake not to say anything. Taka had been nothing but 100% honest to Mondo since the very beginning. Not telling him something as big and important as this would be a violation of the trust that Taka had given the biker. It would make Mondo feel horrible.

And life was too short to not tell him. His brother thought he had his entire life ahead of him, only to die at 21. Mondo could be gone in the blink of an eye. He didn’t want to die without letting Taka know how he felt.

With a nod of finality, Mondo knew what to do. He had to confess. Hopefully, Taka would accept it; Mondo couldn’t handle the loss of _another_ brother.

Taka meant too much.

_Here in the dark, in these final hours  
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power  
But you won't, no you won't_

Mondo was acting odd. On most days, he’d be draped over his “kyoudai’s” shoulder and going on about their “unstoppable bond” or how their “friendship will last forever”. Today he seemed to be using all of his energy to avoid that very same kyoudai.

It was quite an interesting sight.

Now, Kyoko had been a detective for a very long time, and her experience meant that she could read most situations quite quickly. As such, she already had a fairly good understanding of the situation.

Mondo had probably finally realised that his “friendly” feelings for his best-friend weren’t “friendly” at all and was planning on doing something about it. Most likely in the form of a sappy (or as sappy as Mondo could get) love letter if the constant pocket checking was anything to go by.

The only thing Kyoko couldn’t gage was Taka’s reaction.

She knew Taka liked Mondo back – that part was painfully obvious – but he had plans to become the Prime Minister. A same-sex relationship with the leader of Japan’s biggest biker gang would almost definitely hurt his chances. There was no saying how he would react to Mondo’s news.

Taka had always been known for putting his work in front of his personal life. Studying instead of outings, attending class when he was sick and even staying at school over the Christmas holidays to use the (admittedly enormous) library and study in a school environment. It would come as no surprise if he turned down Mondo just to preserve his chances of becoming Prime Minister, his happiness be damned.

It was sad to watch.

“Kyoko?”, Makoto asked, effectively pulling Kyoko from her thoughts. “Are you okay?”. Kyoko took a moment to process the boy in front of her before snapping out of her stupor.

“Ah, yes. I was just… Thinking.”

“About the new case? If you need any help with it, you could just ask me.”

Kyoko laughed, “If I truly needed help with my case, surprisingly, you would not be my first choice.”

Makoto faked a pout, before turning back to the food in front of him. A comfortable silence fell over the two, before Makoto broke it yet again.

“What’s up with Mondo and Taka?”, he asked.

“I’m not entirely sure, but I think Mondo finally realized how he truly feels about Kiyotaka.”

A quizzical look befell Makoto’s face. “How he truly feels? What does that mean?”

“Well, Mondo clearly has some feelings for Ishimaru that are more than platonic. Why else would he constantly be staring at Kiyotaka’s… Southern region?”

“Mondo’s been staring at Taka’s butt?!”

“Yes! How have you not noticed?! It’s in every class photo with Oowada behind Ishimaru. Which is the majority, since Oowada is taller.”

“I never notice-.”

“Sh, look there he is!” Kyoko pointed to the lone figure of Mondo as he lumbered out of the cafeteria, a piece of paper in his hands – probably on his way to deliver the note to Kiyotaka.

“Let’s follow him. See what happens.”

* * *

Toko was having a crappy day. Genocider Syo had taken over three times and scared the living hell out of all her teachers, she had fallen over in gym, scraping her knee and breaking one of her glasses lens, and she had lost Master Byakuya.

She had checked all his usual places – the cafeteria, the library, his dorm – with no luck.

That was how she found herself here, trudging through the dorm halls back to the library again in hopes of finding Master Byakuya.

It was also how she found Mondo standing outside Kiyotaka’s dorm room, pacing back and forth, a note in his shaking hands.

“W-w-what’re you doi-ing?”. Toko called out, her tone accusatory. Mondo turned towards Toko, pale faced.

“N-nothiNG! What’re YOU doing?!”

“W-walking? Why are you j-just standing th-there?”

“None of ya business! Fuck off!”

“What’s on the n-note?”

“Fuck off!”

“W-why?”, Toko stopped to look at the shivering figure of Mondo. His face was pale, his knuckles were white, and his entire body appeared to be shaking. “What’s your p-problem?”

“Fuck you!” Mondo stormed away, note clenched in his fist.

Toko took a few seconds to process his retreat, then began quickly following his fleeing figure. He stomped all the way to the cafeteria where he dumped the note in the nearest bin and stormed upstairs.

Curious and with no particular problems about going through Mondo’s personal belongings, Toko grabbed the note from the garbage and unfolded it.

“What’re you doing?!”, a voice called out from the cafeteria door. Toko turned towards the sound to see Kyoko and Makoto marching towards her, Kyoko with a murderous look in her eyes and Makoto looking timid.

“ _Why_ are you reading Mondo’s note?! That is a personal letter!”

“M-maybe he shouldn’t have dumped it in the g-g-garbage…”

“It doesn’t matter where it is! You cannot go reading people’s personal notes!”

Toko rolled her eyes, “Well, _he_ shouldn’t be l-lurking outside Ishimaru’s room like a p-perve”

Kyoko grabbed the note from Toko’s hands. “It doesn’t matter what he was doing. Stop reading other people’s personal things.”

Kyoko marched back out of the cafeteria, a frazzled Makoto in tow.

Toko watched the retreating pair with a slight scowl on her face.

“W-weirdos.”

* * *

Kyoko was still marching through the halls when she turned towards the boy next to her, and whispered a quiet question, “Is she still behind us?"

Makoto looked back, and upon seeing no sign of Toko, replied with a simple, “No."

“Good.” Kyoko stopped dead in her tracks, and began unfolding the scrunched note.

“What’re you doing? I thought we weren’t reading it?”

“No, _Toko_ isn’t reading it. I’m simply checking if my theory was correct.”

“Your theory?”

“Yes." she didn’t bother to elaborate.

“Wha-,” Kyoko put up her finger in a gesture to be quiet, and silently began to read the paper in front of her:

_Dear Kyoudai,_

_I’m not sure how to start something like this, but I’ll try ~~even though it’ll probably be shitty~~._

_I really like you. In a gay way._

_And it’s not just the little parts of you, it’s everything. From your stupid big eyebrows, to your pure-ass heart and the thing your nose does when you yell._

_You’re the kindest and most genuinely nice person I’ve ever met, with the strongest fucking morals, and someone like me, who’s hurt so many goddamn people, and killed my own fucking brother doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near you, yet you insist on staying in my life and giving me a chance._

_You insist on giving_ everyone _a chance. No matter how many bad things people have done, or how many people they’ve hurt, you continue to believe in them. And even though you might yell at people, I know all you’re trying to do is help. Because you’re always helping. No matter how difficult the task may be, you never give up and never complain. Even if you don’t like the person you’re working for (because we all know that there are some assholes who ask you for help), you strive to do your best._

_And I know that you probably don’t like me like that, and might not even like gay people, but I had to tell you. I can’t keep my feelings from you anymore. You’re the best fucking friend I’ve ever had, and even though you don’t like me the way I like you, I want to keep it that way._

_I’ll be damned if I lose you to a stupid crush._

_\- Mondo_

A small, victorious smile spread over Kyoko’s face as she finished reading the letter. Her theory was right.

“Woah.” Kyoko turned to see Makoto gazing at the note, his mouth slightly opened and his eyes wide. “What do we do now?”

Kyoko smiled.

“I think we have a letter to return."

_'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't_

_I'll close my eyes, then I won't see  
The love you don't feel when you're holding me_

Mondo had disappeared. In retrospect, Taka should have expected it; Mondo tended to disappear when he was sad. And he certainly had many reasons to be sad today.

“Mondo?” Taka pressed the doorbell on Mondo’s dorm door. “Are you in there?”

There was no reply.

Taka pressed the button again. “Mondo? Please come out.”

A few more minutes of silence passed, and Taka was about to press the button again when the door suddenly opened, and Mondo stared down at Taka.

He looked like crap.

His bloodshot eyes had big black bags under them, and his normally clean clothes were covered with stains – which, upon closer inspection Taka would discover was alcohol. His hair was a frazzled mess, sticking up in every direction. Taka glanced over his shoulder to see wood shavings, random carpentry equipment, cigarette buds and dirty clothing strewn over the grimy floor.

“Whaddya want?” Mondo slurred, the stench of alcohol and cigars hitting Taka square in the face.

Taka was scandalized.

“Are you _intoxicated_?! Mondo you know you’re not allowed to be drinking on school campus! And _why_ are you smoking?!”

Mondo shrugged.

“Mondo! You could get suspended for this! Headmaster Kirigiri will _not_ take this lightly. And-”

Kiyotaka stopped his scolding when he looked down to his Kyoudai’s arm and saw a deep red cut.

“Kyoudai! You’re hurt!”

Mondo just shrugged again.

Kiyotaka was hit with a sudden wave of sadness over his friends care – or rather the lack of care – for his own wellbeing, before pushing Mondo into the room and all the way to the bathroom.

“You need to take better care of yourself.” He said as he rummaged through the cupboards, grabbing the med-kit. “You could get hurt. And then what would I do? You’re the best friend I’ve ever had kyoudai. I can’t lose you to some mistake.”

Kiyotaka began cleaning the wound, Mondo wincing every so often.

“S’not like I’m trying to get hurt.” Mondo explained. “There’s just so much shit happening. I don’t have the energy to fix myself. And if m’being completely honest, I don’t want to.”

Kiyotaka shook his head and tried to hold back tears.

“Mondo. Please take care of yourself. If not for you, then for me.” Taka finished wrapping the wound and pulled Mondo into a bear hug.

“I know that things are hard Kyoudai, but please just try. You can’t give up yet! I’m right here for you.”

Kiyotaka didn’t say just how much he wished he was there for Mondo. How much he wished this hug was more than just comforting and friendly. How he wished Mondo would look at him the same way he looked at Mondo.

“After all, what are Kyoudai’s for? Our brotherly bond is greater than any obstacle we have to face!”

Ishimaru took Mondo’s hand and looked him directly in the eye.

“We will get through this. Together.”

Kiyotaka didn’t mention the swirly feeling in his gut as he looked into Mondo’s deep lavender eyes. He just smiled.

_Morning will come and I'll do what's right  
Just give me till then to give up this fight_

Mondo’s snores rang out through the dorm room. He had fallen asleep.

Kiyotaka, on the other hand, was having trouble. It was, after all, kinda hard to sleep when a 6-foot biker had you trapped in their massive biceps. Especially when that biker was your very straight gay-crush.

Kiyotaka silently ‘swore’.

It wasn’t like he wanted this to happen. Mondo’s late brother, Daiya, had passed on that day a couple of years back, and Mondo had taken to copious amounts of alcohol and smoking to deal with it. It had, for the most part, made him feel better about the whole ordeal, but Kiyotaka had scolded him for even touching the stuff in the first place.

From then on, Taka had taken to comforting Mondo and attempting to sober him up. In the end Mondo had started to feel better in his Kyoudai’s presence, but the amount of alcohol he had already consumed had ruined all chances of sobering up.

Instead, he had gotten clingy, hugging Taka and insisting that he stay in his room all night to be his ‘cuddle-buddy’. He had even thrown words like ‘cute’ and ‘soft’ at Taka which Taka had elected to ignore. He didn’t need to get his hopes up.

Although given the situation, that was nearly impossible. Taka was struggling to remind himself that Mondo did not like him like that, and that Mondo would not want to date him despite how cuddly Mondo had gotten. After all, wouldn’t anyone get cuddly on their brother’s death anniversary? It didn’t mean anything!

And even if it did, Taka still couldn’t pursue the relationship. He wanted to be prime minister! His chances of becoming prime minister with a boyfriend who had a criminal record were low, regardless of how _fantastic_ their personality might be.

But he didn’t have to worry about that because it _didn’t mean anything_.

Mondo was just clingy and drunk. Even if he had called Taka ‘boyfriend material’ that didn’t mean that he _liked_ him. Hell, Taka didn’t even know if Mondo was accepting of gay people!

And Taka could hardly enjoy himself in Mondo’s arms ( ~~even if they were big and strong and~~~ ). Mondo wouldn’t want to be used for Taka’s romantic gratification! If he knew that Taka was imaging a relationship with him while cuddling as _friends_ , he would feel betrayed!

It would be much smarter if Taka just fell asleep and stopped thinking about it. Which Taka tried; he really did!

But he couldn’t. How could he fall asleep in his first-ever crushes arms ( ~~and what big, stron-~~ ) while trying to keep platonic thoughts? His mind kept wandering into romantic territory, thinking about the feel of his biceps around his shoulders or how crass yet somehow gentle his hands were or even how deep yet inexplicably kind his voice was.

Taka couldn’t get enough of Mondo.

And even if he did imagine Mondo was his lover for that one night, it’s not like Mondo would know, right? Mondo couldn’t read thoughts. He wouldn’t see what Taka pretended was real.

Taka would be free to enjoy the feeling of Mondo’s arms and the kind words he’d spoken for as long as he needed.

And then he’d disappear into the morning, so any traces of his hopeless romanticism were gone. And he did.

_And I will give up this fight_

_'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

Byakuya and Mondo were never the best of friends. So, the day Taka had opted out of lunch to study for an upcoming test leaving Mondo with Leon and Yasuhiro, Byakuya couldn’t help but stir the pot.

“I see the hall monitor decided to leave the group of juveniles.” He sneered as he walked by the group. “But it was probably for the better. We don’t need him to be rubbing off on any of you. The classroom is loud and annoying enough with just him. Imagine how terrible it’d be if you all started to act like that.”

Mondo was taken aback.

“What’d ya say?!” He yelled up from his seat, infuriated by the sheer arrogance Byakuya possessed.

“You heard me.” Byakuya replied. “We don’t need more Ishimaru’s. His family has already disgraced this country enough.”

Mondo cracked his knuckles and stood up.

“Say that again, I fuckin’ dare you.”

Byakuya levelled him with a glare.

“Someone who makes empty threats and resorts to vulgarity when resolving disputes is not worth my time.” He responded, turning his head to the side and sneering.

Mondo was furious.

“Maybe my fist can resolve this ‘dispute’ instead, huh?!”

Byakuya scowled again, “Did I not just tell you? You’re. Not. Worth. My. Ti-”

A sharp clock to the jaw shut Byakuya up.

“What the hell?!” he cried, rubbing the rapidly forming bruise on his jaw.

Mondo looked like he was about to continue to fight when a loud yell from the lunch door stopped him.

“Kyoudai!” Taka cried indignantly. “Did you just _punch_ Byakuya! Violence is _not_ welcome in a school environment!”

Mondo lowered his raised fist and looked towards the approaching form of Taka.

“S’not my fault! He wa-”

“It doesn’t matter what he did! Violence is strictly prohibited at school! You shouldn’t be punching him at all!”

Mondo looked down, ashamed of the way he reacted. He tried to ignore the part of his brain that fixated on how hot Taka was when he was leading the room.

“My thoughts precisely.” Byakuya glared at Mondo. “How _dare_ you punch me. I shoul-”

“You’re not exempt!” Taka yelled. “Just because you never threw a punch like Mondo, doesn’t mean you’re in the right! Antagonizing ones classmates to the point they resort to violence is just as bad as the violent act itself!”

Byakuya scoffed, looking away.

“And as for you two-” he pointed to Leon and Yasuhiro at the lunch table, “how could you not stop this?! It should never have gotten to this point!”

Leon and Yasuhiro looked down in shame.

“Byakuya, head to the office right now. The staff there will help.” Taka pointed towards the dining hall door.

“And you’ll be serving detentions tomorrow and the rest of the week.”

Byakuya sneered and strided off.

“The same goes for you Mondo. Now come with me.” Taka dragged Mondo out of the dining hall and through the halls. “How could you?” he cried when he had gotten far enough that the class couldn’t hear his words. “You can’t keep fighting people Kyoudai. You can’t…” There were tears in Taka’s eyes.

Mondo pulled his kyoudai into a hug.

“I had to. He was talkin’ shit about ya! I couldn’t just leave it be…”

Taka pushed Mondo out of the hug and looked him in eyes.

“You did this…For me?”

Mondo nodded.

“I…Thank you Kyoudai. Thank you for being there for me.”

Mondo felt a rush of blood to his cheeks,

“But that doesn’t mean that was you did was right. Violence is still not allowed regardless of the circumstances.”

Mondo thought for a second that he would be excused from his punishment.

He was wrong.

“And you still have to serve those detentions. There are no exceptions.”

At least Taka would be there with him.

_Here in the dark, in these final hours  
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

Studying at the Hope’s Peak library late at night left a lot of time for self-reflection. And there was certainly a lot to reflect on lately.

Mondo. Taka couldn’t seem to get him out of his head. His brain seemed to revert to him when he had nothing else to think of. His eyes (they really were a nice shade). His hair (despite having product in it a lot of the time, it was very soft). His ~~biceps~~ personality (he put on a front with others to seem strong when he was really just a vulnerable as everyone else). Everything about him really.

Taka had never had any good friends. The closest companion of his in middle school was the librarian at the school library, but even she resented him for talking too much. None of his classmates had ever really wanted to hang out with him.

But then he came to Hope’s Peak. Suddenly, he had loads of friends and even a _kyoudai_. He never knew how great interacting with other people could be until then. But he couldn’t get distracted.

If Taka wanted to achieve his life-long goal of becoming prime minister he had to pour his everything into getting there. There was simply no time for messing around and there was certainly no time for relationships.

Now, if you’d asked Taka before he went to hopes peak who he wanted to be in a relationship with, he would’ve responded with “no one”. Because Taka had never liked anyone. Ever. Students in his class would gossip about having crushes on each other and eventually he’d give out detentions for gratuitous PDA, yet Taka had never understood.

Sure, he’d planned on eventually getting a nice respectable wife to be with him during his run for prime minister, but he had never really thought about the specifics. He just knew she would be reputable and kind. But now? Now he understood why people did such vile things despite the consequences. Why partners felt the need to be near one another, kissing and hugging and doing _other_ things _._

He finally understood.

And that was the problem.

Mondo wasn’t a person he could like. For starters, Mondo was a _male_. If Taka tried to pursue a relationship with a _male,_ he would eventually suffer the consequences in his political campaign. And then there was the fact that Mondo was roaringly heterosexual. There was almost no way Mondo would like Taka. Or even approve of romantic relationships between men. And – last but certainly not least – Mondo was a biker. He had a _criminal record_. If being gay didn’t affect his political chances, then entering a relationship with a _thug_ certainly would.

But then again, times were changing, right? People were becoming kinder and more accepting. Gay marriage had been legalised in a couple of countries and people were now more progressive than ever. Surely it wasn’t _too_ damning for an openly gay person to enter politics.

Which just brought another set of questions into focus – would Taka be out? How would that affect his chances of getting elected? Would being in the closet during his campaign go against his code of morals? He was, after all, the Ultimate Moral Compass. How did him being gay and closeted fit with that title?

Taka pondered for a moment. For as long as he remembered, Taka had wanted to become prime minister – he needed to heal the wounds his grandfather had inflicted on both his name and the rest of Japan. Would this aspiration – his campaign – be able to handle the added burden of him being out? He already had so much going against him. And while people were more accepting today, that didn’t mean bigots didn’t still exist. Was it really a good idea to pursue a relationship that was sure to hurt his future campaign?

And God, he still wasn’t even sure what Mondo’s thoughts on gay people (let alone being gay himself) were – there was so much going against him!

Bitterly, Taka imagined how much easier this would be if he was straight – why couldn’t he just be attracted to girls?! Then he wouldn’t even have to worry about all this. He would be able to enter politics with someone he truly loved without worrying about the way the world would view him or how his campaign would suffer – it just wasn’t fair.

But in the end, Taka knew what was important. He didn’t endure copious amounts of middle school bullying for nothing. He was “anal” enough to know what he had to prioritise here; his political campaign. Nothing should come before that. And even though it would be incredibly difficult, he couldn’t enter or pursue a relationship with Mondo. It was just not a risk he was willing to take.

Maybe, at some point, he’d thought he could do it – thought he could be both successful and in love. But he couldn’t. Taka could not allow his political campaign to be affected, happiness be damned. Perhaps one day in the distant future, long after he’d been elected, he could find a nice respectable man or come out. But now? Now was not the time.

Even though it went against his personal morals, he couldn’t be open about this. He’d have to play the part of a straight man until he got where he needed to be. There would be no wife of course – despite Mondo being his first ever crush and the fluidity of sexuality, Taka was fairly sure that he would never be in love with a women. Sure, he’d be open to it if it happened, but Taka has every suspicion that it wouldn’t. And he obviously wouldn’t force a women to enter a loveless marriage with him just to uphold the pretence of heterosexuality. That would be even worse than being in the closet.

No, he’d just have to hope he could achieve his dreams as a single man. It would have to be enough.

He wasn’t sure he could sacrifice anymore.

_~~But you won't, no you won't~~ _ _  
~~'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't~~ _

Sleepovers, as it would turn out, were something that Taka most liked about having a kyoudai. There was just something about being with another all night in such an intimate setting that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Which is why when Mondo had first become close with Taka, they’d had as many as possible. Despite Taka’s problem with people of different sexes staying in the same room overnight, he had never cared when it was him and Mondo. Like when Mondo had fallen asleep in his room while studying or when he’d stayed over in Mondo’s dorm to comfort him on especially rough nights.

Although, given the current circumstances, he was unsure if it was still a good idea. He wasn’t sure how his body would react to being in such close proximity to Mondo in such an intimate way. Especially given what had happened the last time he’d stayed over.

“So, are we thinkin’ action or comedy for the movie?” Mondo brought Taka out of his stupor.

“I don’t really mind. Whichever you would prefer. Just ensure it doesn’t breach our age restrictions.”

Mondo laughed in response. “You know I wouldn’t play anything R-18+.” He reached over and pet the raven’s hair. “At least not with you around.” He muttered.

Taka pretended not to hear and instead focused on setting up for the movie. He had nabbed a couple of pillows from his own room, as well as a blanket and some extra linen from the storage. He busied himself with laying them out and around the floor to create a cushioned mat for them to watch the movie on. After all, he could hardly allow Mondo’s bed to become dirty from the snack foods they’d brought. Speaking of which, where _were_ the snacks?

“Hey Mondo?” Taka interrupted Mondo’s scouring of Netflix. “Where did you leave the snacks?”

“Oh.” Mondo grunted, “They’re over there.” He pointed towards the cupboards next to his bed and continued with his search for a decent movie.

Taka was rifling through Mondo’s cabinets, opening them at random and scanning through to find the snacks when a piece of paper sticking out from the dust under Mondo’s bed grabbed his attention. The words “ _Dear Kyoudai_ ” were clearly visible.

Curiosity peaked, Taka walked over to the letter and picked it up of the ground. Honestly, it was quite crumpled. How long had it been left here? Despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t be looking through Mondo’s personal things, he could hardly ignore a letter clearly addressed to him. Guiltily, he unfolded it and began to read.

_Dear Kyoudai,_

_I’m not sure how to start something like this, but I’ll try ~~even though it’ll probably be shitty~~._

_I really like you. In a gay way._

Taka paused. Liked…Him? In a… Gay way? He couldn’t help but blush.

_And it’s not just the little parts of you, it’s everything. From your stupid big eyebrows, to your pure-ass heart and the thing your nose does when you yell._

_You’re the kindest and most genuinely nice person I’ve ever met, with the strongest fucking morals, and someone like me, who’s hurt so many goddamn people, and killed my own fucking brother doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near you, yet you insist on staying in my life and giving me a chance._

_You insist on giving_ everyone _a chance. No matter how many bad things people have done, or how many people they’ve hurt, you continue to believe in them. And even though you might yell at people, I know all you’re trying to do is help. Because you’re always helping. No matter how difficult the task may be, you never give up and never complain. Even if you don’t like the person you’re working for (because we all know that there are some assholes who ask you for help), you strive to do your best._

_And I know that you probably don’t like me like that, and might not even like gay people, but I had to tell you. I can’t keep my feelings from you anymore. You’re the best fucking friend I’ve ever had, and even though you don’t like me the way I like you, I want to keep it that way._

_I’ll be damned if I lose you to a stupid crush._

_\- Mondo_

Taka was taken aback. Mondo felt that way about… _Him_? Out of all the possible people he could’ve liked he had chosen _him_? He didn’t get long to process it before Mondo interrupted him.

“Hey, Taka?” Mondo called from the TV. “What about this one?” He asked, pointing towards the film and looking towards Taka. It took him a second to realise what was in Taka’s hands and an even shorter time for his smile to drop. “WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!”

Taka’s eyes widened. “I-”

“WHY’RE YA READING MY FUCKING STUFF?!” Mondo screamed and ripped the note from Taka’s hands. “THIS IS FAKE!” He cried, shaking the letter. “I DUNNO WHERE THIS CAME FROM, BUT S’FAKE. DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING YA READ HERE!”

“Well I-”

“IN FACT,” his didn’t seem to be getting any quieter “S’ALL FAKE! ALL OF IT!”

“Wha-”

“THIS AND YOU N’THIS FRIENDSHIP! I LIED THIS WHOLE TIME! I HATE YOU!”

“Mon-”

“N’HOW DO I KNOW THAT _YOU_ DIDN’T MAKE THIS LETTER, HUH?! MAYBE YER SECRETLY TRYIN’ T- mmph”

Mondo was cut off by Taka slamming his lips into his. At first, the kiss was a struggle. Mondo was still caught up in his rant, and his lips were naturally moving to finish his sentence. This meant that when their lips first locked, Taka sort of went inside Mondo’s mouth as it gaped open.

Neither really paid it mind. After the initial bump, it was almost like static. Spines tingling and shivers translating through their bodies – through their arms, ghosting over their palms and vibrating out through their fingers. It was… Well, it was unexpected and they both pulled apart in surprise.

“I-” Mondo tried to articulate but was shushed by a finger brought to his lips.

“You were ranting.” Taka smiled and Mondo finally noticed the blush on his cheeks – the little gasps for breath and the pure unadulterated happiness that was coursing through his veins. It was breathtaking. “I couldn’t just let you scream.” He laughed, almost sheepishly.

“So…” Mondo trailed off. “So ya like me?” He asked, hope shining through his words.

“Of course.” Taka answered without hesitation. “I wouldn’t have kissed you otherwise.”

Mondo couldn’t stop his face from twisting into a broad smile. “And I hope you like me too.” Taka continued. “Although, I think I already got that answer from your letter.”

Mondo blushed and looked towards the ground, clearly embarrassed about his rant mere moments ago. “I do.” He said. “Like you, that is. So, so much.”

Taka’s smile widened.

“An’ I really hope that we can do more of that kissin' thing later on.” Mondo laughed and Taka smirked in response.

“Why not now?” He asked. When Mondo’s only response was to blush even more ferociously, Taka pulled Mondo in and locked their lips for another wonderful kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The end! That last bit really went from 0 to 100 real quick, huh? It actually kinda annoys me because I was supposed to somehow make them get together, but I failed to address that part where Taka was like “I’m not gonna be gay with Mondo because politics” and instead just jumped right into the kissing. Kinda gives you whiplash… I hope you enjoyed anyway!  
> Also, I’m sorry if I didn’t represent a panic attack correctly! I haven’t experienced one and based it off google…
> 
> The sexual tension between me and deleting this off the face of the Earth 😍😍


End file.
